


Memories II

by Daisy_PoisonPen



Series: Memories [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, I made Endgame worse, Or Several, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Tissue Warning, i'm trying to warn you, no happy ending, this is going to hurt, you're gonna need a drink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 05:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20420438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy_PoisonPen/pseuds/Daisy_PoisonPen
Summary: When Stephen raised one finger in the air, he knew he was going to watch someone die who didn't deserve it. He still had to save the universe, and so, someone lost the person they might have loved more than anyone else in the entire universe.Five years later, they're still mourning. Mourning, and remembering. The universe is going to be fine. He is not.I'm rating this T for tears of pain.





	1. The Endgame

**Author's Note:**

> I got nothin'. I was in a mood. If I have to suffer, so do you. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.

_ "W-well, how many did you see?" _

_ “Fourteen million, six-hundred-five.” _

_ “How many did we win?” _

_ “One.” _

Stephen Strange remembered that conversation with such distinct clarity--not because it was one of the last ones he had before Thanos’ victory, but because he could see which lives would be forever changed, ruined, destroyed. He’d had to be so careful with his expression then, just like he had now. If Tony Stark had ever had so much as one inkling of what had to happen, he never would have done it.

So he controlled his expression and he held up one finger. He took a deep breath, trying to give himself enough air that he wouldn’t lose it all when his heart inevitably shattered.

Fourteen million, six hundred futures is a lot of time to get to know people. He met all of the Avengers, then. He came to love and appreciate every one of them. He saw each of them die a million times. Out of all of those times, there was once where those deaths weren’t in vain, one where the entire universe lived even if these few he loved died.

So he sat through his trance and watched Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff say goodbye to each other, he watched them struggle to save the other, he watched Clint’s only remaining family fall to her death. He watched him lay in a pool of water with a stone in his hand, but tears in his eyes.

He watched as Tony Stark knelt, bleeding, with a boy in his arms, his child in every way except for blood, and watched him whisper to the boy as he faded away, watched him stare at the ground where the boy had been in horror. (He deliberately chose not to look at Peter after that. It was too much.) He watched Peter return, watched Stark embrace the boy until he could breathe in peace again. Twelve million out of fourteen million times, that embrace ended in the deaths of both and the destruction of the universe.

He watched himself die, too. Time after time, he was impaled, almost cut in half by Thanos’s enormous sword, vaporized by any of the stones, wiped away again with the end of the universe. He accepted his own death as easily now as he did when he fought against Dormammu; if he had to die so that others would live, he was perfectly fine with that. It was his duty, even, he supposed. He lived the life he wanted to live. He’d accomplished many things. Even when all of that was stripped away, he found purpose again and lived this life to his best ability also. He was okay with dying--he’d already lived.

Peter had not. He was definitely not okay with Peter dying. He really didn’t have a choice on that. 

So he lifted one finger. And he tried to make his lungs retain oxygen so that when his heart shattered, he’d still be able to breathe.

Tony Stark was strong--the strongest un-enhanced human he’d met, if he was honest. He had to be--piloting the Iron Man suit was no easy task, even though he made it seem like it was a part of him that he ate, breathed, and slept with. Tony spent a lot of time maintaining his strength and his physique in order for his body to meet all of the physical demands of being Iron Man. When Tony lunged for Thanos, however, everyone held their breath--they knew he was no match for the Titan.

Thanos was cruel with him. He taunted him while Tony fought desperately, laughed derisively in his face as he raised his sword to bring it down on him with deadly accuracy, taunting more when the destructive blows did not land, grinning in the face of the human's desperation.

Stephen could see how Peter’s face went red, how his breaths came short. He saw how his lips moved as he whispered the words, "I can't let him hurt Mr. Stark" with determination that overwhelmed his fear and his anger. He saw how the mask came up, and he saw how Peter launched himself into the air, new iron spider legs forming themselves as he flew.

Tony had gotten all of the stones away, and he flew to the ground in a heap, tumbling and hurrying to place them in his own gauntlet without being seen. That was why he missed how the boy flew up, how the golden spikes at the end of his iron legs gleamed in the gray light. The first one severed all of the nerves in Thanos’s hand, still in the gauntlet. The others went through his neck, his chest, even his eye. Thanos jerked. His sword went instinctively upwards in his defense.

Tony watched them both fall to the ground in a heap, confused by the turn of events.

He was less confused by the blood. He knew what all of that blood meant. He hoped as he watched them fall, that the blood belonged to Thanos. It didn't.

The sword had torn him almost completely in half. The boy gasped once, twitched. Laid still. Blood was taking over the space around him, flooding it like tidal waves.

“No, no, no no nonono!  _ Peter!”  _ He dropped the gauntlet and the stones carelessly on the ground, racing toward him, trying to stem the flow of blood with his hands, but it was too much, it was gushing and it was everywhere, and his hands were quickly coated in blood but he didn’t care. He deployed some nanites and that staunched it but only barely. "Pete?" he pleaded.

Peter’s teeth were slicked with red, and it was obvious he couldn’t breathe. He still gasped out a few whispered words, which Tony listened to and answered gently. The conversation wasn’t audible, but Stephen heard it on the 14,000,605th time he stared into the future, the only time they won.

“Mr. Stark?”

“I’m here, Peter. You’re okay, just breathe for me--please, just breathe.”

“'s-he dead?”

“Yeah, Pete. We killed him. You did good.”

“G-good.” His eyes closed. “We did it, Mr. Stark. We won.”

Tony nodded, tears streaming from his eyes. “We won,  _ bambino _ . It’s okay now, shh. Please, just stay with me, Pete. Just breathe.”

“Mr. S-Stark… it’s not on you, okay?”

Tony shook his head desperately, as if denying that he saw the way the brown of his eyes went dark, the way the spark of life turned into a glaze of death. “Peter…” he breathed, but he knew it was no use. With a strangled sob, he pushed the boy’s eyes closed. He knew they wouldn’t open again.

Steve Rogers was the one that picked up the stones, put on the gauntlet, snapped the rest of Thanos’s army away. He wheezed as the power over took him, crushing the life out of his lungs. He did get to say goodbye to his lifelong friend, Bucky Barnes, who held on to him with all of the knowing and pain of a soldier losing a comrade in the battle field. Sam Wilson knelt by them too, the two that remained wept quietly at the loss of their friend and inspiration.

Tony didn’t see Steve die. He knelt on the ground, his knees and armor soaked in blood, with Peter’s head in his lap, gently pulling his fingers through the mess of curls. Pepper saw the boy and couldn’t help her screams, drawing the attention of others.

Thor knelt next to Tony, so did Colonel Rhodes. They didn’t say anything, just stared at the boy, who might have looked like he was simply asleep or unconscious except for the blood. Rhodes put an arm around Tony and pulled his head onto his shoulder, tears also leaking from his own eyes.

Carol Danvers took one look, and then launched herself into the air, her shock, grief, confusion, and anger at seeing her brand new friend, Peter Parker, so horrifically torn from the universe.

It was the Valkyrie that took a knee first. She turned her sword in a display of honor. The others followed suit as well--the one called Starlord and the one he was looking for, Gamora. Pepper Stark stopped screaming and simply sobbed, but she took a knee also. The other followed until only he remained standing.

Stephen turned away, dropping to one knee, too. His heart _shattered, _and all of the breaths he took were wrung out of his lungs anyway. He was definitely not okay with Peter dying, but he really didn’t have a choice on that. 

It was already done.


	2. The Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is still struggling with how his life is going to go now that Peter's dead.  
Well, he's dead, but he's not gone. Tony still has his memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ran out of tissues bring your own.

**5 YEARS LATER**

The newly rebuilt Avengers compound was a sight to be seen. It now covered more than 6,000 acres and was almost designed like a military base. There were living quarters and barracks built for the Avengers, for SHIELD, Military, and other government operatives as well as various in-compound offices, training areas, recreational activities, and even parks.

The Peter B. Parker Memorial Park was just outside of the Avengers living quarters, which was a ten-story building that contained various penthouse-style apartments and common rooms, including game rooms, a theater room, and a private shooting range and exercise room, a private, heated pool, and other luxury amenities.

Tony spent a lot of his time sitting outside in the park.. Peter was buried right there, his head stone made of solid, white stone with his name and his birth date and death date. The stone itself was simple, because Peter would have wanted it that way. But the Park, well that had a water fountain that led to a pond of koi fish, dozens of flowers and plants, benches to sit in, and bird and butterfly feeders during the spring and summer. The place teamed with life, and Peter would have wanted it that way, too. May lived in the Avengers compound, in a penthouse gifted to her by Tony. She’d been lost in the Snap too, and when she returned, she had no job, no home…  _ no son… _

He could never give Peter back to her, even though he wished with all of his still-bleeding heart that he could. He gave her other things, instead. He got her working in one of the medical buildings of the compound, set her up in the penthouse, gave her the trust fund he had set up for Peter so that she’d never want for money ever again in her life if she decided she wanted to leave.

She traveled for a while. Remarried eventually--a SHIELD agent, actually, from the compound. She never did have another child, though. Peter was the only one she’d ever have, and she did a damn good job with him while it lasted. Her husband had kids of his own anyway, and she did her best to love them even though her heart was bleeding, too.

Today, he told Peter about how well she was doing, how tall Morgan was getting (her tenth birthday was coming up. Jesus, she was growing so fast) and how she tinkered with him in his lab just like Peter used to, how her brown eyes matched his when she was excited, how her hair fell into her face when she was trying to calculate something.

“She reminds me a lot of you,” Tony whispered. “Gets overly excited, too, just like you did. Asks so many questions.” He wiped at his face. “She… she used to ask me to tell stories about you. Now she just hugs me. She always knows when I miss you.”  He swallowed. “Pep and I… we’ve been going through it. Losing you changed us, y’know? That’s… that’s not your fault, it’s my fault. I’ve been lost, kid. Too lost to be a good husband, anyway. I’m… trying my best to make it up with Morgan. I don’t want to be a bad father. I don’t want to be a bad husband either, but I can’t… I can’t look at her without seeing her screaming that day, and she can’t look at me without seeing your body in my arms. I don’t know what to do.”

_ I just wanted to be like you! _

“Honestly, Pete, why would you even say something like that?! I failed you. I let you die, and now I’m a shit husband. I’m drowning, here, kid. I don’t… I don’t know what to do, or even what I am anymore. I’m so… so tired.”

_ None of this would have happened if you had just listened to me! _

“Listen, huh?” Tony muttered after a long silence. “I do listen. I listen to her cry at night, and she listens to me when I watch you die in my dreams, over, and over…”

_ If you even cared, you’d actually be here. _

Tony was pissed. “I am there! I am  _ there,  _ Peter, every God forsaken--” but he wasn’t, was he? He hadn’t been truly present in his family or in his marriage in a long time. He was with Morgan in his lab, working on Avengers projects or Stark Industries tech (and definitely not his Iron Man suit. He hung that up for good after Peter's funeral). He was with Pepper because they shared the same bed and the same last name, but he hadn't truly _been _with her in years. 

He shook a little. “I’m sorry,” he whispered plaintively. “I don’t know what to do now.”

_ You can’t be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man if there’s no neighborhood. _

Tony stood up from the memorial bench, pacing, his heart thundering in his ears. If he lost Pepper, he could lose Morgan. He would lose everything if he lost Morgan too. It would kill him. He’d lose the only purpose he had left. He couldn’t lose them, he couldn’t. There would be nothing left-- 

“Pete,” he pleaded desperately, “fuck, I--how? How do I fix this?”

_ Just… don’t do anything I would do. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. There’s a--there’s a little gray area in there, and that’s where you are. _

“Quit using my own words against me,” Tony muttered, laughing a little.

_ We’re in the endgame, now. _

Tony swallowed, sinking back onto the bench. “I know, kiddo. I won’t let you down. I… I miss you, kid. So fucking much.”

_ Oh. This is nice. _

“Hardy fucking har,” Tony muttered. He smiled, wiping his face with his sleeve. “I love you.”

_ Thank you, Mr. Stark! _

“Thank _you_, Peter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it through that, congratulations, you are heartless--either because this didn't hurt because you're dead inside, or because I just ripped out your heart and crushed it.   
You can collect your ruined souls in the garbage bin to your left.   
Thanks and come again!
> 
> JK you guys. I have no idea why I wrote this, I'm just feeling some type of way because I did something to my knee and I haven't been able to like work or go outside in basically like a month and it's starting to really mess w my head. I think I get to go back to work Thursday but we'll see how this knee wants to act up. Also, I'm really fucking sad and pissed that MCU is nixing Spiderman? WTAF, man. Sony better not fuck this up.
> 
> alright, my excuse rant is over as you were. feel free to come cry or rage with me down in the comments. we can all feel some type of way together. misery loves company, and all that.


End file.
